In this age of tag-team parenting and 80-hour workweeks, staying connected can feel impossible. And yet for many people, intimacy is a prerequisite for sex. “Most women need to feel connected to their partner before they’ll engage in touching, hugging, kissing, which then, and only then, leads to actual sex,” Orbuch says. “But for men, it’s the reverse. It’s the act of having sex that makes them feel connected, which can then lead to touching, hugging, and other acts of affection.” And yet, feeling bonded is obviously important for both partners, as is clear from the results of a study in the Journal of Sex showing that married couples have more sex during periods of greater intimacy .